


The Birds and the Bees...and the Pterodactyls

by PockySquirrel



Category: Power Rangers Dino Charge
Genre: Clueless boys are clueless, F/M, Kendall is tired of your nonsense, M/M, be a dad for once James, everyone else has had more sex than tyler, zandar is full of bisexuals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9324206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PockySquirrel/pseuds/PockySquirrel
Summary: Ivan and Koda may have more experience in the art of lovemaking than their modern-day teammates, but that's not the same as having a clue how sex and relationships work in the 21st century. In which asking Ivan for dating advice is a very bad idea, Riley plots to lose his virginity, and Tyler gets roped into helping Shelby teach an impromptu session of sex ed.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Revieloutionne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revieloutionne/gifts).



> Tobi, you always enable the writing of my absolute worst ideas. This is all your fault. Enjoy.

When Tyler and Chase finished cleaning the cafe’s kitchen, they came out to meet up with Riley and found him sitting in one of the booths, reading. The chairs had all been put up and the floors cleaned, and with his end of the closing shift routine completed, he had apparently turned to one of his favorite methods of passing the time. The book was a large hardcover, leatherbound and pristinely maintained. Riley was completely engrossed in it, to the point that he failed to notice his teammates calling for him. Chase poked him in the shoulder and he started, almost falling right out of the booth.

“Sorry, mate,” Chase apologized, though still chuckling. “What are you reading that has you so wrapped up?”

“Cultural history of medieval Zandar,” Riley explained. “Phillip lent it to me.”

Chase made a face. “Come on now. It can't be that interesting.”

“Oh, but it is,” Riley insisted. “Remember last week, when that guy started spewing all that homophobic garbage in here, and we had to call security and kick him out?”

“Yeah.” Tyler frowned. He had been on shift at the time, and actually the first one to tell the customer he needed to watch his mouth. He had never wanted to punch someone so badly who wasn't one of Sledge’s goons. “What's that jerk got to do with medieval Zandar?”

“Ivan didn't understand why everyone was upset,” Riley reminded them. “We tried to explain why what the guy said was so offensive and he still didn't get it. So I kind of started wondering why, and I figured maybe I ought to learn a little more about where he came from. You know, so the next time something about our time comes up that he doesn't understand, it might be easier to explain it to him.”

“That’s actually a good idea, Riley,” Tyler said, taking down one of the chairs and pulling it up to sit next to his teammate. “Did you find out anything interesting?”

“Sure did,” Riley said, grinning. “For one, I found out why it was so hard for Ivan to get his head around what being gay is.”

Chase was hooked by now as well, and slid into the booth opposite Riley to hear what he had to say. “It has to do with the words meaning different things back then, yeah? Like ‘gay’ was just ‘happy’ and the f-word was a bundle of firewood or something…”

“Well yeah, that, but there’s more to it,” Riley explained. “See, in Ivan’s culture, being gay or being straight just...wasn't a thing.”

Chase blinked. “Come again?”

“They didn't label it. Not like we do. Men would marry women and have kids and everything, but if they wanted to also have sex with a male friend, nobody batted an eye. It wasn’t even considered adultery the way it was if a married man had sex with another woman. It was just something that people did.”

“So...Ivan doesn't understand what ‘gay’ means...because where he comes from...people did gay stuff all the time and there just wasn't a word for it?”

“Basically yeah. A large number of men in medieval Zandar were effectively bisexual, and it didn't affect how they identified themselves or how society viewed them at all. Especially men who did a lot of traveling away from the places where women lived. Like the military. _Especially_ the knights. Knights of Zandar had sex with each other _all the time_.”

“Wait a minute,” Chase butted in, noting the meaningful look on Riley’s face. “Are you saying that _Ivan_ \--”

“Has probably had sex with a bunch of dudes, yes,” Riley confirmed. 

“He flirts with girls all the time. He's better at it than I am!” Chase continued, still struggling to comprehend. “I've never even seen him look at another guy.”

“Right,” Riley said. “A man in his position could court any woman he found attractive. But he wouldn't pursue that kind of relationship with any man he wasn't already close with. His brothers-in-arms. If Ivan was going to hit on a guy, it would be one of us.”

The table fell silent, digesting that thought. Chase nodded his head slightly, as if to say he'd consider taking Ivan up on that if he offered. Tyler, still inexperienced enough to feel slightly panicked at the notion of being solicited for sex by _anyone_ , looked faintly ill.

“It’s weird to think about, isn't it?” Tyler blurted out, giving red-faced voice to his train of thought. “Thinking about Ivan like that, I mean. Like...yeah, he's from the past, but he's basically the same age as I am, and I'm still a virgin. I can't imagine myself having done all that by now.”

“You've got to remember how different things were back then, Tyler,” Riley reasoned. “It wouldn't have been unusual for someone your age to be married with kids by now. People started a lot younger, because lifespans were a lot shorter. If you think about it that way, Ivan and Koda probably have the most sexual experience of anyone on the team. Except your dad. And maybe Ms. Morgan.”

Tyler looked ill again. “Not something I wanted to think about, Riley.” 

Riley grinned at him. “Sorry.”

“Hey Riley?” Chase mused. “When you're done, do you think Phillip would mind if I borrowed that book?”

***

A week later, Chase bounced over to Riley in the kitchen, wearing a thousand-watt smile. 

“I'm closing with you and Tyler again tonight,” he said. “Mind if I take the floors so I can beg off early? I've got a date after my shift.”

Riley raised an eyebrow. “It’s Tyler's turn this time, so that's a question for him. More importantly, did I hear you say you had a date?”

“What's a question for me?” Tyler asked briskly, hurrying in with the trays from his last table.

“Chase,” Riley announced, “Has requested to skip out early on closing duties because he has a date.”

“A date?” Tyler echoed. “With who?”

“You know Libby who works at the admissions desk?”

“Seriously?” Riley interjected. “Last time you so much as tried introducing yourself to her, you drooled on your own shoes. What happened?”

“Well,” Chase explained. “After that conversation we had last week, I got to thinking. Ivan’s more experienced than I am, maybe I should ask him for some tips. So I did. I tried what he told me, and what do you know, it worked!”

“Maybe you should hit him up for advice on your relationship with Shelby,” Riley suggested mildly.

The dish Tyler had been rinsing slipped out of his hand and clattered loudly into the bottom of the sink. 

“My--my what?” Tyler stammered. “I don’t have a relationship with Shelby. I mean, I don’t have _that_ kind of a relationship with Shelby.”

“You'd like to, though,” Chase said, playfully accusing. “Come on mate, it's obvious you're into her. Everyone knows it. Even Koda’s noticed.”

“Oh god,” Tyler groaned. “That would explain why he wanted to tell me all about how the guys in his tribe would throw women over their shoulders and bring them back to their caves.”

Riley shrugged. “Hey, I tried to explain to him that that’s not how it’s done anymore, but he still thinks anyone who says ‘date’ is talking about the fruit.”

“Trust me on this,” Chase insisted. “If you don’t know how to tell Shelby how you feel, just tell Ivan you’re interested in courting her and he’ll help you figure out exactly what to say.”

When Tyler continued to look skeptical, Riley added, “What do you have to lose? Even if his advice doesn’t help, it can’t be any worse than Koda’s.”

Tyler sighed, defeated. “Fine, I’ll give it a shot.”

Chase clapped him on the shoulder. “Great! Now...about me leaving early?”

***

As it turned out, Chase was right. Ivan did have a knack for crafting romantic words. Tyler found himself with a much better idea of what he was going to say to Shelby, but still no real clue as to when he was going to say it. It took a few days of hemming and hawing and rehearsing in the bathroom mirror before he finally managed to summon the courage to actually ask her out.

Having heard her mention earlier in the day that she was going down to the base later to run some tests for Kendall, Tyler headed to the base himself that afternoon in the hope of catching her alone. Unfortunately, he had no such luck. Shelby was there, all right, but so was Ivan. So much for that idea. He turned around, hoping to leave unnoticed.

“Tyler!”

Shelby barked his name in a tone that meant business, and he froze in his tracks. She stomped over to him, grabbed him by the arm, and dragged him over to one of Kendall’s lab tables. There, Ivan had laid out a curious selection of items. A bundle of fresh herbs, a jar of honey, and a bag of cotton balls. Shelby was blushing furiously, and Ivan just looked perplexed, as if he had no idea what had her so flustered.

“Do you mind telling me what this is all about?” Shelby asked Tyler, tersely.

Tyler looked down at the stuff on the table, then back up at Shelby and Ivan, truly bewildered. “I have no idea?”

Shelby folded her arms. “Is that so? Go ahead, Ivan. Tell him what you told me.”

“Well,” Ivan began, still looking confused. “Far be it for me to suggest that a lady knight should abstain from courtship. But proper precautions must be taken, lest she find herself in a condition that would render her unable to fight.”

“ _Precautions_ ,” Shelby echoed through gritted teeth. “So would you mind explaining to me, Tyler, what exactly you told this man that might make him believe I would have use for _contraceptive herbs_ and whatever this mess is supposed to be?”

‘This mess’ was indicated with a wave of her hand toward the honey and cotton balls. Seemingly oblivious to both Shelby’s anger and Tyler’s growing sense of horror, Ivan jumped in with an explanation.

“Oh, it’s quite easy, milady. You simply soak the cotton in the honey and insert it into your--”

“Ew, Ivan, _no_!”

“All I told him was that I wanted to ask you on a date!” Tyler blurted out.

“Someone say dates? Those taste good.” Koda appeared, seemingly from out of nowhere, and started looking for food.

“No, Koda,” Ivan supplied helpfully. “He is referring to a date as an act of courtship, not a food.”

“Oh, I see,” Koda replied, nodding. “Tyler pick up Shelby and take her back to cave.”

“Koda, no! Shelby, that’s not what I--” Tyler trailed off helplessly, unable to see how this could possibly get any worse. 

Shelby, eerily calm, snatched up a notepad and a pen, scribbled down a few lines, ripped the page off and handed it to Tyler. 

“You and I will discuss things later,” she said. “Right now, I need you to go get these things from the store.”

Tyler looked at the list and blanched.

“Don’t give me that look,” Shelby scolded. “You started this, and now you’re going to do your part in helping me give these two a proper education. So man up and go shopping.”

“Also get dates!” Koda chimed in.

***

When Kendall walked into the base a couple of hours later, the first thing she saw was Chase reading, his feet propped up on one of the lab tables.

“Chase, get your feet off the table,” she said. Chase, thoroughly engrossed in the book, did not respond.

Kendall raised an eyebrow, quickly decided she didn’t want to know, shoved Chase’s feet off the table, and continued toward her computer. This, as it turned out, was a mistake.

Ivan was seated at another of the lab tables, diligently applying a condom to a banana. Koda had his condom stretched over one hand like a sock puppet, and was eating his banana with the other while Shelby yelled at him. Tyler had his head down and looked for all the world like he wanted to melt through the floor and vanish. As Kendall was about to ask them all what the hell was going on, Riley walked in, strode straight up to Ivan, took one look at the banana and spoke a few words of carefully but flawlessly enunciated Zandarian. 

Ivan looked up at him, smirking playfully. “Why, Sir Riley. Your words are as straightforward as the thrust of your sword.”

Riley winked at him. “I’d thrust something besides that, if you take my meaning.”

“Oh my God, Riley, you are not helping!” Shelby snapped.

Kendall turned around and walked right out of the base.

Ten minutes later, she returned with a bemused James Navarro, and shoved him into the room.

“What am I doing here?” he asked.

“You have ten years of parenting to make up for, and these kids all clearly need The Talk,” Kendall said. “Good luck. You’re going to need it.”

She moved to leave again, and James called after her, “Wait, where are you going?”

“I’m going to go yell at Prince Phillip,” Kendall announced. “And then I’m going to make him buy me coffee.”

“What does Phillip have to do with all this?” James asked.

Utterly confused, he turned to see Chase, still reading, now with his feet back up on the table. Taking a closer look, he saw the words ‘From the Royal Library of Zandar’ stamped on the cover.

“Wow,” Chase said to himself. “The Knights of Zandar were into some kinky stuff.”

“Koda no, you can’t eat the condoms!” Tyler yelled from the other side of the base.

James stood and wondered just what Kendall had gotten him into.


End file.
